HOW TO BE MORE HONEST WITH CHILDREN
Children learn to trust their own inner sense of right and wrong from a very young age and parents should always encourage this. This will teach a child that they have a reliable source of information instilled in them.
Researchers at MIT have found that children are not gullible, and can in fact sense when parents are lying to them, causing them to distrust the very people who are their caretakers. Children also know when parents are withholding information.
Parents need to accept that they can’t protect their children from all difficult situations and that lying only leaves children knowing the truth and wondering why parents are lying about it.
Avoid making these common mistakes:
1. Parents need to tell it like it is when getting divorced. They need to acknowledge that they no longer want to live together. Telling a child that Mom and Dad "love each other" and just can’t be together anymore is dishonest. They need to acknowledge that they no longer want to be married but will remain good friends and will continue to love and parent the child.
2. Miss an important event! Own your failures by apologizing and explaining. If not, children will know they can’t count on a parent following through and that lying is an acceptable way of avoiding responsibility. Children need to learn that we all make mistakes and can apologize.
3. Don’t offer false reassurance. If a child is struggling with something, don’t say it will all work out, rather offer some help with their fears. It’s better to acknowledge problems and address them than deny they exist.
4. Not telling the truth about negative events. Parents can tell the truth about negative events without going into the gory details. Children need to know that good and bad happens in this world, but that they can have the strength to cope. Rather admit the situation in terms that the child can grasp. Parents can then talk the child through their feelings about it while they process the hard reality, whatever it is. When kids are left to fill in the blanks, often their guesses are so much worse than dealing with the truth.
There are many opportunities for us, as parents, to avoid the difficult answers but developing honesty in children is important as a good character trait, showing strength as well as keeping children safe. If something is wrong or children need help with something, it’s best to know about it.
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